==================================================================
       ----- JOB   DESCRIPTIONS  IN   HELP   WANTED   ADS -----
    ==================================================================


 YOUTHFUL WORK ENVIRONMENT:  chewing gum is "on the house"
    STABLE WORK ENVIRONMENT:    Nobody's been promoted for years
         FLEXIBLE HOURS:             get here by eight and you can go home
                                 anytime after six
       EXEMPT POSITION:            you don't get paid for overtime; no
                                 bonus plan either
       SALARY COMMENSURATE WITH EXPERIENCE:   unless you have too much
                                            experience
               TOTAL RESPONSIBILITY:       it's a one person department, and you're it
           TAKE-CHARGE PERSON:         if anything goes wrong, it's your fault
            SUBURBAN, CAMPUSLIKE SETTING:  seven miles to the nearest McDonald's
      MIDTOWN LOCATION:           hard to drive to, no place to park
              DOWNTOWN LOCATION:          wear your flak jacket to karate lessons at
                                 lunch
                IMMEDIATE OPENING:          the deadbeat you'll replace has already been
                                 fired
            OPPORTUNITY TO ADVANCE:     your new boss will be the next one to go
LINE POSITION:              your butt is on it
          REQUIRES GOOD WORK HABITS:  have you ever had an original thought?
  PART TIME:                  eight hours a day, no benefits
FULL TIME:                  24 hours a day
SOME EVENING WORK REQUIRED: graveyard shift
FAST-PACED:                 temporarily understaffed
GROWTH COMPANY:             perpetually understaffed
FAST-TRACK POSITION:        watch your back
                   RAPIDLY EXPANDING:          everyone is too new to know what they're doing
CREATIVE:                   make it up as you go along
          AMBITIOUS:                  help push your new boss up the ladder
     SOME TRAVEL REQUIRED:       do you own stock in an airline ?
40% TRAVEL:                 "Mommy, who is that ?"
               INTERNATIONAL TRAVEL:       can you say "diarrhea" in nine languages ?
  ENTRY LEVEL:                it'll be good experience, kid
                   QUALIFIED CANDIDATES ONLY:  if you understand the acronyms in the ad, call
EXPERIENCE REQUIRED:        ever held a job ?
                   DEGREE REQUIRED:            how long will you wait to be rewarded for your
                                 efforts ?
SEND SALARY HISTORY:        how cheap will you work ?
 EXISTING OPPORTUNITY:       how's your blood pressure ?

HIGH  VISIBILITY  POSITION:     "S C A P E   G O A T"
LEADERSHIP POSITION:        drill sergeant
               MUST BE GOOD WITH PEOPLE:   you'll be making telephone solicitations
KEYBOARDING SKILLS A PLUS:  you'll be a typist
EXECUTIVE:                  you'll be a salesperson
                   SALESMAN:                   you'll be a salesperson - no leads furnished
                   SALES MANAGER:              you'll be a salesperson with a bad territory
                   ULTIMATE OPPORTUNITY:       you'll be an all-commission salesperson with
                                 a bad territory
                NO COLD CALLS:              you'll be making telephone solicitations
                MUST BE WELL-ORGANIZED:     you'll be working in a three-foot-square
                                 cubicle
             NOW ACCEPTING APPLICATIONS:    we're have a paper-recycling drive
          MAIL APPLICATIONS ONLY, NO PHONE CALLS:    are you desperate ?
                   MUST HAVE GOOD TELEPHONE PERSONALITY:      star in your own 900 number!
RISK/RETURN CONSCIOUS:      wimp
BOTTOM-LINE CONSCIOUS:      cheapskate
         HANDS-ON MANAGER:           you'll be doing the work yourself
CLOSE-KNIT TEAM:            12 people, six desks
    ==================================================================